The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of you can try these out his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys want to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

However, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears i was reading this off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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